Feeling Regrettable

FEELING REGRETTABLE 

 

A life filled with 

Bad decisions 

As you look back upon it 

And how certain provisions 

Were not made along with 

Many errors and mistakes 

To speak of 

Even as of late 

And doing so  

Both night and day 

And done out of 

Desperation 

Loneliness 

Lust or unrequited love 

Looking in the mirror 

At a reflection  

That one can tell 

Went in the wrong direction 

And needed much course correction 

But truly dropped the ball  

At the point in time 

And having a dull light inside 

That barely shines 

As you arise and awake 

Each morning  

And go to sleep at night 

Just thinking back  

On all of the times 

That you could have done more 

Or something different 

Especially that which would have 

Actually, made a real difference 

But somewhere along the way 

You went off path 

You went off course 

Didn’t show up or speak up 

Along with not utilizing  

Your very voice and presence 

To make a change or attempt 

To even rearrange 

As certain things felt strange 

When they were right 

Felt right when they were wrong 

And beginning to live a life 

That is so prolonged in many ways 

As each waking day 

Tends to convey such things 

And all of the misdirection 

That heading the wrong way 

Has brought and brings 

For real freedom is absent 

And has not ringed 

As you’re rolling along 

And disturbed by the  

Very real notion 

That you are not where you belong 

And in this case 

And so evident 

Yet in other words 

At this stage in your life 

It just feels utterly wrong 

Good to horrible 

Okay to terrible 

To bad things and consequences 

That became so incredible 

In ways that are hard to speak about 

Once you realized and really thought 

About it and you found out 

That most of your life is off 

And now searching through memories 

As you count the costs 

And truly feeling lost 

The employee of your own life 

Instead of being the boss 

Even when you were 

Willing and able 

And stepped away from the table  

Too soon or not at all 

A trip and fall 

And unfulfilled dreams and goals 

For you often sit and wander 

And ponder 

Just where did it all go 

Stayed froze instead of moved 

Moved when you should have 

Stayed still 

As looking back on your life 

And all of the many things 

That each time you look in the mirror 

This becomes more and more apparent 

And constantly gets revealed 

Feeling a large hole inside 

Yet your very lips stay sealed 

And wishing for this 

To simply just go away 

Or devour it and put it away 

Like it is completely edible 

Taken many things for granted 

In your life and gambled 

And seems like its in shambles

And scrambled

But now you are here 

Ever present but not really 

All while feeling regrettable 

 

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